I suppose this is an introduction to the mind behind the madness. I have a diverse background in work experience, personal development, and artistic outreach. I feel like I have reached an impasse where I have a thousand different possible outcomes laid before me, and yet I can’t find the path I’m looking for. Covid-19 and the self-quarantine has really put me in my place physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
I have been struggling with self-control, loss of motivation to pursue hobbies that I love, and feelings of loneliness and isolation. It’s forced me to really focus on the day-to-day, trying to find satisfaction in forcing myself out of bed even though I could sleep all day. Drinking that cup of coffee. Reading that book that I enjoyed yesterday. Searching for a job that could possibly be my next career, or at least a start in the right direction. Trying to expand my hobbies to be more than just hobbies. How do people do this? How do they become self-starters during a time when it’s difficult to leave the house and network?
I am trapped in a city with limited connections to people and places. I am still relatively new to Richmond, and I don’t have those personal and professional connections to whom I could reach out and get some sort of leg-up in the work force. I have no advantage above the rest here, no matter how impressive my resume and cover letter looks. Unemployment is now back to a level where I won’t be able to afford my bills. I have been saving money since I was making more with the Covid-19 bonus unemployment amount than my original salary, but it’s not going to last with the cost of maintaining a household.
This is not meant to be my sob story. This has been a boon for some, a struggle for others, and nothing special for the rest. I guess this is just my chance to express what is really going on behind the usual smile and graces that everyone gets to see on the outside.
So this is my chance to tell the truth, and hear from you – my readers. We are all struggling with something. We are all suffering, no matter how perfect our exteriors may seem. I am with you every step of the way, just as my friends and family would be if I could be with them.
The photography, the music, the blog – it’s all part of the same project. It’s part of the same search for peace and happiness. The journey hasn’t been easy, but perhaps we can gain something from the struggle.
Thank you for listening.
Elle Christine Travels 
Most people seem to have the opposite challenge from the dilemma you find yourself in: their ‘next step’ in life seems largely/entirely determined by external forces such that indecision is simply not an option. As your finances grow tighter, you may find yourself in that position soon enough (i.e., you may soon be forced to take ANY job you can find). If so, then today’s ennui may look idyllic in hindsight. In which case, it might help hike your motivation and excitement to think of your current quagmire as more a vacation from being coerced.
When I was advising university students academically, I used to quote someone who described future-path choices with a short slogan: “…the object of the game is not to dread Monday morning.” I also know people who make the distinction between a ‘job’ (task one performs solely for the income) and a ‘career’ (where one’s job reflects one’s passionate interests). I was fortunate to have worked in a career setting, but I’d have to say that part of my first steps down that pathway (by deciding to pursue graduate education) was also bolstered by external forces (in 1969, this was the Vietnam-era draft). On plus side, I really had found a direction that excited me (evolutionary biology), so moving from one school to another had strong allure. And I knew that there were real career opportunities down that path. But my sending off applications for admission was not complicated by knowing the odds against securing one of those desired faculty positions: in fact, I had no realistic idea about the much greater likelihood that I’d do the advanced degrees and then be right back at square one, facing an uncertain future. Such was my own ‘vacation from being coerced.’
When I look back at 1969 and try to remember what my uncertainty felt like, it’s hard to erase how things worked out. I was just 21-22 and did not feel especially ‘young,’ but figured that I could TRY this one direction and see how I liked it. In my case, I managed to get exactly the kind of position (tenure-track, research institution) I’d imagined, but that required me to live for 35 years in a place I would not have chosen (Oklahoma). And the extra schooling gobbled up the rest of my 20s with no guarantee that the position would materialize. Basically, I had to keep the dream alive for 7 years before the career materialized. Had I been totally practical, this would have been a crazy gamble, but I was blissfully naive about my prospects and consequently did little worrying. The day to day present was good enough.
You’re in a different situation from what I faced back then. You’re roughly the age I was when the uncertainty dissipated. You have greater and more tangible responsibilities. And you are you, which I never was. The world is a different place now also. But you’re bright, lavishly talented in ways I can see (music, photography) and almost certainly also in ways I cannot see, immensely genial, etc. I guess what I want to say to you is that you strike me as someone with a surfeit of good options for jobs and/or careers.
We sometimes delude ourselves by thinking that there is only One Ideal Direction (a “calling”) and we must find that path or be forever damned and disappointed. Some possible directions have much greater “curb appeal’ (real estate term for how a some properties radiate desirability from the moment a client drives up) than others. (Like you, I was certainly tempted by the notion of success in music.) But lots of other directions have real meat on the bone that will nourish you and that you can re-shape from within to make use of your formidable talents. I will not be surprised if ten years from now you’ll look back and see that you took a job and fashioned it into a career, using your inner gifts in unexpected ways. And I’ll close by saying that playing folk music in New York coffeehouses in the ’60s turned out to be the best preparation and training I ever had for teaching college students! The skills you hone today during your ‘vacation’ may prove sufficiently malleable to convert to some unexpected new use.
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